FUCK. YOU. oh and happy birthday.

omigod. Im crying so bad right now. I cant even fucking type. Im have a horrible horrible day...week...month...year. fuck fuck fuck all of you! I hate all of you! and guess what! todays my fucking birthday! WHOOPDIE FUCKING DOO!!! well last year I had the worst birthday ever. my parents locked me in the garage and woke me up at 6 am to say "wake up bitch were taking you to school early." It was horrible. It ended with me lying on the garage couch crying and feeling exactly as  i do now. why? why? why am i being punished! what did i do?!?!??? Nothing! I hate them ! i  hate them! im getting my damn keyboard all wet and i can barely see through my damn watergate eyeballs....so FUCK YOU if you want to correct my spelling/grammar! So heres what happened. As you know, I really want that damn iphone 4. It hurts so much that I want it. I don't even know why i want the damn thing so bad, I just do! Febuary 3rd came around...2 days ago. My final chance....and my parents sat at home on their asses doing nothing. That day was so hard for me...I cried 10+ times and im seriously not exaggerating.  I was so hurt that they don't care about me! that was all i wanted! why is this happening?!~?!?!? Im tired of hurting like this!!!! February 3rd ruined any joy i had for my coming birthday. I asked for the iphone...when my mom said i couldnt have it...i asked for a strip of color i can dye my hair (underneath) she laughed at me for that...and when i asked for an upper ear cartilage piercing, and a nose ring, etc. She rushed to tell my dad and together they laughed at me. Then she texted her friends and called her parents so they could all laugh at me. I was so much more hurt. Then I asked for a tamagotchi, she said no because i already had one, so i asked for an uglydoll and she said she would add to that colection either, i didnt even dare asking for ythe chococat buildabear...  i just retreated back into my room and cried some more. not because im a selfish bitch but because i hate being rejected and treated like a zoo animal. it hurts. my heart is torn and i cant turn to anyone. i need help! i only want suicide right now and im not even kidding! i have lots of pills i could take and im seriously considering it. ive been cry for an hour before i decided to blog. so today came around and it started with the oh so fun bible study. for four hours. i was so pissed! i hate wasting my birthday on religous CRAP! CAUSE THATS ALL IT IS. DOG SHIT CRAP. Its not even real. I hate it. Last year I probably deserved being locked in the garage...but this year i changed. my parents said ive been a blessing to them and ive really been trying! THEN WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I DID ON LAST YEARS JOKE BIRTHDAY!?!?!???? my mom didnt buy me anything at all! for my sweet 16! im so hurt! she went out this afternoon and bought me a cheap ass coloring book, some markers, a bra, christmas sale socks, a pack of glowsticks, shampoo and conditioner. thats all. for my sweet 16. im so hurt. and depressed. fuck everything. why did i even try for them? why did i waste my time and effort? it was all a joke. the only thing i was looking forward to all day was going to bnn to see my best friends parker and josh. i really really need some time away. im losing it. we were about to leave and i was running around getting ready because my mom said "were going in 5 minutes!" (thanks for the heads up) when i just broke down. I started to cry. My heart breaking and rejected i couldn't take it anymore this year has just been to horrible for me. I let tears fall and stared into the mirror. I was trying to pull myself together so i could apply my makeup when my mom walked in. she started yelling at me, about how i was throwing a pity party and all this religious shit etc etc.... I tried to explain that I wasnt mad at her, I'm just hurting and need to be alone for a few minutes. she yelled at me and told me she was through with my bull shit and that she wouldnt be taking me to BNN. On my birthday...to the one thing Ive been looking forward to all day. I havent seen either of my friends in 2 months. and theyre  the only real friends i have. Im sorry Im hurting! Im sorry I hate who i am and how ugly i look right now bitch! I fucking hate you! I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I will dance on your motherfucking grave bitch! I cant wait! So to sum it up, I should be at BNN hanging with my friends right now showing them my wicked gifts, but instead im locked in my room crying and hurt talking to you losers. Who knows, maybe this will be my last blog. Those pills look so damn good right now.